


Freedom For A Broken Soul

by Superooosssshhhhh



Series: Snokes Pet [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Kylo Ren Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 12:59:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10663119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superooosssshhhhh/pseuds/Superooosssshhhhh
Summary: Ben tries to adjust to life back with his family.





	Freedom For A Broken Soul

Hands seize his arms and begin to drag him up. His sight is black as his eyes won't open. It's too similar to Snoke that he can't help but fight against the hold they have on him. His head, chest and stomach hurt as if he had been kicked repeatedly.

Ben just wants the darkness to wrap around him and make him feel nothing but it eludes him. He still feels people pulling at him, he just wants it to stop. There is nothing that he wants more than an end.

He is laid on something soft, Ben wants to curl up in to himself for warmth but he doesn't move. His whole body feels like dead weight. He forces his eyes open. There's a shuttles ceiling infront of him.

A furry hand comes down, Bens entire body flinches backwards in to the softness of a cot? He wants to put as much space between himself and the hand as possible but he barely moves. "Shush little cub, sleep." Comes the growling voice of his uncle.

Why was his uncle with him on The Finalizer? Why would he want Ben after all he had done? Chewies hand begins to softly stroke his hair back from his face. Ben can't help but flinch from the touch at first he soon relaxs at the touch. It soon sends him to sleep.

\-----

He can't help the coughing fit he has when he wakes up to Chewie picking him up, he wants to walk on his own but he just lies there as he carried out of The Falcon. He can hear his father, the scavenger girl and the ex trooper moving around the shuttle. "How is he?" Asks the gruff voice of Han Solo. "Bandaged up but he's hurt inside, just not sure how bad." His uncle growls back.

Ben is hurting all over but it is nothing that more sleep wouldn't fix. He turns his head to look at the man who had sired him. His face is twisted with worry and concern. "Ben." It's said with such pain that his eyes fill with tears. "I'm sorry." Saying it scratches his throat and makes his chest hurts deeply but it is worth it to see the way Hans face softens.

"It's ok, kid." He says but they both know that it's not ok and it never will be again. "Mr Solo, the General is waiting for you." The ex trooper says with a hint of happiness and relief in his voice, he knows that this battle is over but the war is just beginning. Ben almost laughs at his father being called Mr Solo. Instead his body sings in dull pain as he is picked up and carried out to see his mother.

He can hear the people cheering and celebrating their victory from inside the shuttle. Han, the ex trooper and the scavenger girl are all greeted with relief and hope until he is carried in to the sunlight and in to the sight of The Resistance. The cheer fades to an uneasy silence and the atmosphere changes drastically. The relief and hope dies only to be replaced by fear and dread.

He knows that he has done this, he deserves their scorn and indifference. It still doesn't make it any easier. Chewie walks to the bottom of the ramp before a voice so familiar says "Show me my son." Ben wants to push himself up with some pride but he can only manage a weak push at Chewies chest.

His legs are lowered to the ground and for the first time since Starkiller he is standing up. His hair falls in his face hiding his pained expression as his body screams loudly in pain. "Oh, my boy." She whispers as her hand goes upwards towards his face, he can't help but flinch away.

His chest hurts, he begins coughing until there is the taste of blood in his mouth. His head swims and his knees fail him, he falls forward in to his mothers arms. He faintly hears someone call out for something but he can't quite make out before allowing himself to pass out completely.

\-----

He snaps to awareness when hands sieze his robes and begin to try to undress him. His mind fogs with panic, he fights off the hands that had been pulling off his robes. Part of Ben acknowledges there are three people in the room with him but his mind is too gone with fear to even consider stopping.

He can't help but clutch his entire middle as he stands up, it all hurts so much. He backs himself in to the corner of the room trying to make himself less noticeable than he already is. His long body betrays him as Ben is too tall to miss. His back meets the wall and slowly he slides down to sit on the floor.

He pulls his legs to his aching chest and stomach to rest his head against his knees. He doesn't sleep but he rests his eyes. When people try to get too close he uses the Force to keep them away. Ben wants to be alone, he wants them to just let him die.

He can't stop thinking about cold pale hands as they explore his body as the Force is turned against him. He feels so filthy, disgusting and rotten that it hurts, somehow more than his chest. Bens hands wraps around his head Voices try to convince him to let them help him but the last time he listened to voices in his head his fellow padawans were killed.

He hears Snoke calling for him through the Force, it's whisper faint like the wind rustling leaves but it calls his name, his false name. It sings Kylo Ren ever so softly in his ear. He wants to cry. Even half a galaxy away Snokes hold on him is as strong as ever. The collar around his neck seems to tighten and panic sets in.

He claws at his plastic neck cover until gives way then with shaking hands he struggles against the weight around his neck. When Ben finally pulls the collar off he holds it in his hands, it is a black leather collar with a gold buckle and loop. He can't help but find himself wondering how could something that looks so innocent could be so evil.

He wants to laugh but it catches in his throat so instead throws it across the room as if just holding it had burned the skin off of his fingers. Ben isn't sure exactly where it lands, he finds that he doesn't care either. The pain in his body screams at him to find a more comfortable way to sit.

His entire body hurts, he knows it'll take some time before he heals. Ben can deal with the pain, he had before and he will again. In his life pain is the only friend he has. So he pushes his head in to his arms wishing he could disappear altogether.

"Ben?" It's the same voice Snoke tormented him with at night when he was younger, his mothers soft voice is like torture to him. "Stop." He had wanted to shout it but it had come out as a rasping whisper. "It's ok, sweetie." She soothes in that terrible voice. "It's over now, you're free." At this he can't help but lift his head and let loose a cackling laugh that leaves him half heaving half coughing.

He had never been free although his chains had always had names like Padawan, Kylo Ren and Commander. All were fancy but in the end they were still chains and that just makes it funnier to him. Blood passes his lips again and the world dims but not before he is pulled close to his mother.

The touch is unwanted but welcome. He leans in to her, she feels the same as she did when he was a child, maker she even smells the same. Ben wasn't the same though, he had become a stranger to her and even himself. He had become Kylo Ren, Snokes whore and dog.

His neck aches, the collar had often left bruises over his skin when Snoke was seeking his pleasure from him. His mother hums to him and holds him as he feels a sharp sting in the side of his neck. He turns his head to see a hand pulling away with a needle in it. Her hand brushes his hair back until his eyes fall closed and his mind shuts down.

\-----

He wakes up with a feeling of claustrophobia setting in, he can't breathe try as he might. There is a mask over his nose and mouth, the world infront of him is distorted. He panics and begins to rip the mask off of his face, the bacta he's in slows his movements but he tries damn hard to be as quick as possible.

Ben hears someone tell him to relax and breathe but it's muffled by the bacta. He hears Snokes faint voice in his head telling him that he can make the pain stop but that's a lie, Ben had only ever suffered under Snokes guidance. The top of the bacta tank opens and Ben is pulled out.

As soon as he is capable he pulls off the mask and breathes in air as if he had been denied it the entire time he was in the tank. He feels sticky and gross but less than when Snoke had finished with him. He looks down at himself, he is in his standard black boxers and nothing else.

"Welcome back to the land of the living." He looks up only to see his father looking down at him. "Dad..." His voice cracks from not using it. "Shhh son, lets get you cleaned up." A thick cloak is wrapped around him as he stands up. He welcomes the warmth and pulls it closer to his soggy body.

Han takes him to a small refresher stall, he washes the feeling of bacta off in the shower. He notices new pinkish scars over his chest and stomach, they stand out against his pale skin. One is longer than the others but he traces his fingers over it until Han knocks on the stall door. "You done yet, kid?" He wraps a towel around his body and he joins his father who passes him nice clean clothes.

"Put these on." So he does, the underwear fits and the grey Tshirt does but the bottoms aren't quite long enough to cover his ankles. A pair of slippers are put on the floor. "Can't have you running about without these on." He puts them on. "What happened?" It seems so idiotic that he has to ask but he genuinely wants to know.

"Follow me, kid." Ben follows his father out of the refresher and through the base to what must be a conference large room. The door opens with a soft hiss, Ben is greeted with his previous master. The man is older with a face lined with grief. But he is not the strong man he had known as a child.

His father stays outside the room but motions for him to enter. "Ben." It's said as a greeting but the tone states that Luke would kill to be anywhere but infront of him. It then strikes him that he has no idea how to address the man, Ben was not his Padawn anymore so Master was out of the question, he can't find it in him to call him uncle.

"Skywalker." There is a look of utter disgust and sadness that mixes on the Jedis face, it take everything in him for Ben not to flinch away from him. "You have information on Snoke." It was true Snoke had been his mentor, even if he had fucked Ben in his down time. "We need it." It is both a statement and a demand. "Very well, take it." He says with little care.

His uncle had never been one to pry in to peoples minds, Ben and Kylo had specialised in it so he broadcasts everything to Skywalker. He holds on to the times between him and Snoke though, no one needed to know about those. Ben shows him how Snoke taught him to fight, how the man handles himself and where he resides but not how Snoke had bent him over and fucked him.

When he finishes showing Luke about Snoke Ben drops his gaze to the large table that separates them. "Now you have what you need." His voice is softer than he'd like but he turns and leaves knowing that he did what was required of him. Ben keeps his head down as Han leads him to his mother. It isn't long before he is stood infront of a room, he can feel his mother on the other side.

It opens to her standing infront of a large desk with a kind smile on her lips. She greets him better than his uncle, he sits down at one of the chairs only to be pulled close to her, she tells him how much she has missed him. Snoke had twisted his memories of her this doesn't mean that he can keep the tears from falling. They were words that he hadn't thought he'd hear from the real her.

His tears mark the top she wears, he clings to her as if she were going to fade away in to nothingness. "You're home now." His mother pulls back, cups his face between her hands and wipes the wetness from his cheeks. "Let's get you some food, you must be starving." He didn't have the heart to tell her that he barely ever felt the need to eat, now included.

It must look odd as they walk to the mess hall, people stare at them as they move through the hallways. Ben feels their eyes burn in to him, he can't help but feel anxiety burn at his insides. Every single person stares at him when they make it to the mess hall, it takes everything in him not the crumble.

He reminds himself that in their eyes he is a murderer and a traitor. He sits at the table closest to the door, a quick and easy escape. "We'll be right back." He looks at the table ignoring the people surrounding them. His mother slides a tray of food infront of him.

She takes a seat infront of him and Han sits to the side of him. It feels odd being between his parents, they ask him more questions about how he is, if he'd like to see where he will be sleeping. It's this moment that Ben realises how much he has missed his parents.

He eats so slowly that by the time they have finished eating he has barely made a dent. When he gives up eating, his mother just frowns at him and gives him a judging look. It is uncomfortable silence that follows, none of them know how to act around eachother. He has no idea what to say or do so he sits and waits.

After their trays have been cleared they make their way to the room that would house Ben while whatever planet this is serves as their base. It is extremely small but he likes it. His father claps his hand on Bens back and says "I'll see you later, son." It brings tears to his eyes. His mother strokes his cheek and tells him how much she loves him, then they leave him in his tiny yet comfortable room.

He feels numb to their love, he feels out of place on the base, he feels so many things that his head hurts and spins. He lies down on the little bed, curls up into himself and sleeps. He dreams of pain and blood. A hand shakes him awake, through blurry eyes he sees the scavenger girl looking at him.

Her brow is furrowed with concern. Ben sits up and swings his legs over the side of the bed as she sits down. "What are you doing here?" His voice is hoarse as if he had been screaming. "You were dreaming of that man?" There is a hint of sadness in her voice. "His name is Snoke." Ben keeps his eyes on the floor. "He was my master."

"He was sick." She snaps at him. He turns and rises an eyebrow at her. "I'm sorry. I..." Ben looks at her for a moment he looks pale as can be with her sunkissed skin. "You saw." He states with almost no emotion what so ever. "I think you need to leave." He lies back down and turns to face the wall. "I won't tell anyone one, I swear." She says before she leaves him in his little box of a room. He spends the rest of the sleep cycle staring at the wall infront of him.

\-----

Ben has settled in to life at the base, he does odd jobs here and there sometimes he worked on some of broken the ships and other times he would spend his day helping the staff take care of the little things like cleaning and the like. He tries his best to stay out of the way of the people that hate him.

He had seen Poe once since he returned, Finn avoids him like he has the plague and Rey smiles at him kindly but grimaces when he gets within arms reach of her. His uncle either ignores him completely or addresses him with disdain. He completely understands but that doesn't make it any easier.

Sometimes he still hears Snokes voice at the back of his mind trying in vain to lure him back. He had fell for that trick once and honestly that was enough. Ben sits on the floor in his tiny room trying to block Snoke from his mind, he wants to feel like himself again. He wants a future without having to fight for control of his own mind.

Ben knows he has to find a way to be rid of Snoke. There are only two things he can think of to truly be out of his reach, death or cutting off his connection to the Force. He knows that death might be easier, if he fails to cut off the Force perhaps it may be best for him to die.

He shakes those thoughts out of his head and looks at his chrono. Three am is a good time for a shower he thinks, he tends to avoid the showers on account of his scarred body. He grabs a towel, a spare set of clothing and begins tip toeing his way to the communal showers. Ben is careful to avoid people, in the first week he was here he got jumped and beaten.

He won't make that mistake again. Ben walks in to find them gloriously empty, he thanks the maker and strips. He washes away the weeks grime, he tries to wash away the memories of Snokes hands on him. But the feeling is never gone, the coldness has seeped in to his pores and contaminated his very being.

He looks down at himself. His body is slowly getting thinner, muscles are becoming softer than before. He has always had a lithe figure but there was still power behind it, now he's losing that. Perhaps this is how Ben was always meant to be, would he look like this if Snoke had plucked some other unfortunate child from the academy to become his apprentice?

It would be cruel to subject Snoke upon another person. Ben had survived by sheer determination but others aren't always that lucky. He turns off the shower and begins to dry himself off and dress. It's only then he returns to his room.

He's outside his door when he hears a very loud giggle from behind him. He turns his head to see Poe Dameron and one of the kitchen staff practically eating eachothers faces off. Ben opens his door as fast as possible before Poe sees him but it's too late. Before the door closes the pilot notices him.

"Ben." He slurs slightly. "Poe." He says in greeting. "Last time we saw each other you were ripping memories from my head." It's not exactly the truth but it still hurts Ben. "I really missed you and your goofy smile." Dameron says with a drunken grin of his own.

"Your date's leaving." Poe turns his head to see the girl abandoning him at the mercy of the evil Kylo Ren. Poe curses, goes to follow her only to fall over his own feet. Ben catches him before he hurts anything other than his ego. "You need to sleep it off." He states letting go of the pilot who luckily has regained his footing.

It's obvious Poe won't make it to his room unaided. "Where's your room?" Poe looks up at him with eyes glazed by alcohol. Ben can't help the small smile that rises. "This is my room." Poe throws his head back and laughs loudly. Ben sighs, opens his door and inclined his head inside. "Come on."

Poe stumbles in and face plants the bed. Ben pulls off Poes boots before lying down on the floor. He curls up in to himself on the floor for heat, Poes soft snores lull him to sleep. In his sleep he feels horrid breathe on his neck, hands that explore his body and pain that shoots up his spine with every deep thrust.

Ben wakes up to Poes horrified face. His face feels damp, his eyesight blurred; he wonders if he's been crying. He hopes not, no one needs to know about any of this. He sits up, his back cracking as he does. "You sleep it off?" He says with a grin that he hopes is playful.

"Yeah." Poes voice is soft and quiet, nothing like the man that had stumbled in to his room the night before. "Do you always cry like that in your sleep?" He asks sitting on the hard floor beside Ben. "Only when my room is invaded by intoxicated pilots." He says with a slight grin hoping to avoid talking about what Poe had seen.

"How's your head?" He leans back against his wall. Poe smiles at that and just replies with, "how's your back?" A small laugh surprises him, it's a sound he hasn't heard for a while and he finds that he likes it. "I've slept in worse places." His smile soon fades away as Snokes personal quarters come to mind.

The chill in the air as it hits his overheated skin, the collar tightly around his neck, blood and seed soaking in to the dark sheets beneath him. All of these things hit him and for a moment he can't breathe. He is all too aware of the soft brown eyes on him as his hand feels for a collar that had been absent for months.

Poes hand rubs calming circles in to his back. "I really can't believe you let me sleep in your bed and you slept on the floor." He knows hes trying to get Ben looks at the pilot, concern is painted over his face. "You collapsed on my bed, I didn't really have a choice in the matter." He says with a slight grin. "You should have kicked me to the floor." Poe explains.

"I've hurt you enough, don't you think?" Even Ben can hear how forced his laugh is. "That wasn't you. That was Kylo Ren." Poes argument is weak. "I am him and he is me. I was the one that tore into your mind." He sits silently looking at his lap. "You didn't exactly look like you were having much fun." A new wave of shame washes over him as Poe had seen him break down like that.

"I'm sorry." "Hey, it's in the past. If you need to hear this, I forgive you." Ben wants to feel comforted by that declaration but he just feels anger. He hadn't earned Poes forgiveness, he hadn't given Poe anything to show just how guilty and apologetic he felt. Forgiveness had just been handed over as if it were meaningless. Ben bites down on his bottom lip hard enough that a taste of copper fills his mouth.

Ben gets up and begins gathering the tools he needs. "What are you doing today then?" Poe asks breaking the uneasy silence that had settled between them. "I'm going to go and repair the holovid player in the mess hall." "A bit early isn't it?" Ben looks at the chrono and sees that it's 5 am. "Nah You should get more sleep, I'll uhhh see you later." He says before slipping out of the door.

Ben walks down the hallway relatively undisturbed, a few people are up and about but none of them sneak any prolonged looks at him. When he reaches the mess hall the cooks are only just making their way in aswell, Ben kneels infront of the holovid and begins trying to find out what's wrong with it.

He flinches at the ghostly feeling of breath on the back of his neck, he spins his head around but no one's there so he turns his attention back to the holovid. He struggles to concentrate as eyes seem to watch his every movement and soon enough the holovid is working well enough for him to leave. When he stands to leave Snoke's voice is chipping away at the back of his head; it calls the name he had apparently earned.

He ignores it as best he can but as he makes his way to the scrapyard, where all of the broken beyond help tech is, the voice is just loud noise that makes the back of his eyes hurt. He is just outside of the hanger when it becomes all too much, he covers his ears but the pain doesn't subside or dissipate if anything it gets worse.

Ben falls to his knees, closes his eyes and tries to block out the pain; it feels like a thousand people screaming at him all at once and above them all is Snoke's voice. It tells him that he will watch everything he has gained crumble into dust. It all rises to a crescendo of noise then stops abruptly leaving a horribly loud ringing in his ears seems to block out all other noise. He feels wet begin to coat his hands that still cover his ears when he pulls them away there is some blood, he wonders what that means but he just wipes them on his trousers and gets up.

Ben pushes Snokes voice to the back of his mind and tries his best to ignore it. He carries on towards the scrapyard, ignoring the ache in his skull, he reaches the edge of the scrapyard before making his way through all of the old parts of ships that were believed to be beyond repair. He sees a bright blue light as a gentle breeze goes through his shoulder length hair, something calls for him to follow it; not the same calls as Snoke but a gentler call. He drops his bag and follows it, he enters the woods with no idea of where he's going or why.

The light pulls away as if urging him to carry on following him. All sounds of the base fade away only to be replaced by those of the woods, the woods smells moist with the smell of pine and dirt. Ben finds that he likes it here, the woods feel free and Snoke begins to feel lost to him as if his old master was slowing loosening his grip on his mind.

The sound of a waterfalls roars through the air but he carries on walking up the hill, he only walks a quarter of the way up before he notices that there is a hole dug into the side of the hill that seems to draw him in. The light goes straight inside and he follows, he walks in and is surprised when he doesn't have to duck his head. The floor is soft dirt as the walls are too, the light leads him through a passage way down.

The roar of falling water is immense and comforting in a strange way. He follows the light to a cavern that is missing a wall, it shows water running downwards. He walks to the centre of it and watches the water fall, there is a warmth and light to the side of him. He turns his head to see a shorter woman that reminds him of his mother, she turns to look at him with sad eyes. "There is much of Anakin in you." Her voice is soft as her hand comes up to cup his cheek. "He was stubborn, smart and strong; but not as sad as you."

His eyes go over the flowers in her hair, she looks beautiful and peaceful. "Who are you?" He asks looking down at her. "I am Padme Amidala of Naboo, I am your Grandmother." Shock makes him take a step back, she smiles sadly and that is when he notices that mother and daughter share a smile. "Why are you here? Why now?" She sits on the ground and motions for him to do the same, so he does.

The soil is soft and damp when he sits but he ignores it and listens to his grandmother speak. "Within you is a scale with light and dark on either side. Both Snoke and Luke have put their own weight on either side of that scale, that scale is yours and yours alone. You need to find YOUR balance not theirs." He watches the light pulse from her as she speak. When she takes his hand between the two of hers the touch almost burns before turning into a slight tingling sensation.

He looks into her eyes and she does the same before she almost begs him to find his own balance. With that she rises to kneel before him and presses a kiss upon his brow. A cool feeling spreads throughout his body as she smiles and fades away as if never there to begin with. He sits on his ass in the dirt of the cave and takes in the calm of the cavern, it washes away the tension that has been held in his every nerve since he returned.

It is so comforting that he lies back on he floor, he seems to sink into soil and in the back of his mind he hopes that it does suck him in. Instead the soil just cradles him like his mother would when he was a boy. Slowly Ben turns on to his side and curls up into himself, his body heat begins to seep into the ground. It's then that he realises just how tired he is, he shuts his light brown eyes and drifts off to a restful sleep.

 


End file.
